The life of a parent is an exciting one to say the least. Never a dull moment with my little guys around, that’s for sure. One of the joys of parenthood is that you’ll find yourself shouting things you never imagined you’d have to shout at another person before.
This is just one of many of those stories.
We put up our first Christmas tree as a family this year. My wife and I had stopped putting up a tree when we had our first child, because small children and Christmas trees don’t mix. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but toddlers will grab and destroy/put in their mouth/eat everything they can get their grubby little fingers on.
But this year, we decided they were old enough to have a tree, and at very least they wouldn’t eat the bulbs or hooks or something, because we didn’t need a trip to the ER for Christmas. But that doesn’t mean the tree was safe.
Enter my 4 year old.
He had run by the tree without pants on. That’s another thing you need to know about kids. They HATE pants. I mean, I’m an adult and I’m not a fan of pants. But they would straight up free-ball it 24/7 if they could.
But I digress. As he ran by the tree with no pants on, one of the branches must have tickled his tush. I’m not really sure how it started, but I turn to see my son rubbing his backside on the tree, almost twerking on it.
“Stop rubbing your bare ass on the Christmas tree” is not something I ever thought I’d have to shout at another person. But then I had kids, and here we are.
That’s the thing about kids. They do things like this that no one else would think to do. It’s like hanging around with a tiny drunk person all day. Who else but 4 year olds and drunk people would be caught rubbing their hind end on a Christmas tree? I mean, I’m sure there’s some freaky people out there, and I’m not kink shaming, but I’m pretty sure that 4 year olds and drunk people make up the bulk of the population partaking in that activity.
My kids drive me crazy. But I love them, and wouldn’t have them any other way.
Just wish they’d keep their turd cutter off my tree….