As anyone who has windows can see, spring is in the air! The feeling of thawing ice and plants sprouting beautiful buds and children playing in their yards. Spring brings many exciting things for so many people. What it brought for me was an urge to buy a bike, shout out to the dick heads that stole my bike last fall. So The Wife and I went to our local everyday low prices store and bought new bikes. Me thinking this will be great to ride to work with, really lower my carbon footprint, shout out to global warming.
While walking out with the new bikes the sense of joy and excitement to get out and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air had built up to a fever pitch. Lesser men would claim it as Spring Fever but I wouldn’t stoop for such a cheap pop. We take a quick ride through town waving to both the people I know outside of work and enjoy a nice app and beer at a heavily windowed bar. Feeling good!
So I decided to ride the bike to work today thinking I’m hot stuff. I lost a bunch of weight recently, shout out to not eating carbs, and looked as little like a bear on a unicycle that a 6′ 3″, shout out to genetics, 300 pound dude can. I felt confident. Almost relaxed with myself. Then I saw the stares. I thought there’s no way people think I look like a bear on a unicycle I look freaking dope. Then I realized why they were staring. They thought I got a DUI and can’t drive.
I can assure you that did not happen. I did however drink around 75 beers on Saturday, shout out to poor life choices.