You have dog poop on your lips.

I’ll NEVER forget the time I pulled up to Diggity Dog Daycare to pick up our boxer, Ali.

As I pulled into the parking lot and rounded into the pick-up lane, she came bounding around the corner of the building in the giant fenced-in yard, saw my truck, and started bouncing up & down like a spring.

A second later, she noticed a delicious pile of dog shit on the ground by her and proceeded to eat it. Happily smacking her jowls together, mouth full of excrement…looking at me in the driver’s seat of my truck the entire time.

I always knew that dogs eat their own shit. They eat cat shit. They lick their butts, other dog’s butts…our dog Fenway even goes for the rabbit turds in the backyard and occasionally I’ll catch her licking bird poop off the street when we’re rounding the block.


But, even with all that mental jewelry decorating my memories of our pups, I would never turn down a good, slobbery kiss. I probably kiss our current boxer, Maggie, more than I kiss my wife.

And according to this recent survey, I’m not alone.

53% of dog owners say the same damn thing. However, I’m not this guy:

I love my pets and love them more than almost any human on the planet, but letting my dog French-kiss me is not high on my bucket list.

Some other stats from this recent survey about our doggo obsession:

  • 72% of people would put themselves in danger to save their dog.

    Absolutely. Including going back into a burning house. Into a frozen lake. Whatever. No way I could stand there and let them suffer without trying.
  • 61% of people like their dog more than some people they know.

    That’s it? 62 friggin’ percent? Seems kinda low. The world is filled with incredible assholes and it’s only getting worse. Give me my pups any day.
  • 47% have canceled plans to stay in with their dog.

    I’ve only canceled plans if my pooch is sick or healing from an injury/surgery. Other than that, they’ll be fine for a few hours by themselves.
  • 34% of people have let their dog hang out with them when they’re taking a deuce.

    The cat seems WAY more interested in my bathroom habits than the dogs. They generally only care if I’m heading into the kitchen.
  • 13% of people will let their dog drink from their glass of water.

    Water? No. They’ve got their own dish for that.
    Beer? Certainly! Our former boxer, Ali, was an absolute BOOZEHOUND! When we had firepits, she’d try to knock over your beer so it’d spill & she could lap it up.
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Brian Simpson

Unapologetic fan of the Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins & Celtics. Lover of powerful, dark beers. Married with NO kids. Ever. Lover of doggos. Not so much cats.

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