Before I met my wife & we moved in together, I lived with a LOT of different people.

My first roommate was a kid I went to high school with. Adam. We lived in a three-bedroom apartment in my hometown of Nashua and it was only $400/month. Of course, that was in 1994. I loved that place, but we literally had NO furniture. Just our beds and a couple of chairs. Oh, and a bunch of Bud Ice in the fridge.

Those days went by so fast, but I’ll never forget them.

I lived with several ex-girlfriends, my best friend, and complete strangers.

I lived in a two-bedroom apartment with seven other people when I moved to Concord, NH. I even lived on a buddy’s front porch for awhile.

I even lived with a guy who wrote in his journal that he wanted to kill me. He left it out on the coffee table one day, and of course, I read it. Then I quickly moved the fuck out!

In all my years of living with other people, I think the strangest thing I ever saw one of my roommates do was fall asleep while “polishing the Bishop”. I had gone out with my girlfriend at the time, and when we came home, his light was on in his room, the TV was on, and the door was wide open. We walked over to see what he was up to, and there he was…..fast asleep, with his little soldier in his hand!

Buzzfeed recently asked people to tell them about the weird shit their roommates have done and here’s some of the better answers:

  1. “My roommate showers in the dark while sitting on a milk crate.”
  2. “I very quickly learned that he liked to pee outside. Like, just stand on the patio and pee off it in the middle of the day.”
  3. Someone’s roommate left USED FLOSS all over the living room. Quote, “Move a pillow? Floss. Move a paper? Floss.” They say she had great dental hygiene though.
  4. A girl’s roommate used to call her mom every night, put it on speaker, and describe the shower she’d just taken. And the mom would ask follow-up questions like, “did you clean behind your ears,” and “did you clean your BUTT?”
  5. “He forgot to mention that he gets night terrors.” So the first time he woke up screaming, they thought someone had broken in.
  6. A guy kept all of his beer in his bedroom instead of the fridge, and drank it at room temperature.
  7. They individually labeled all their oranges with their first initial, so no one else would eat them.
  8. Someone moved in with their best friend and found out she never uses spoons. She only uses forks, even for soup and cereal
  9. A guy liked making a sandwich that he claimed he invented called “butter cheese bread.” It was just a grilled cheese.
  10. A woman moved in with a guy who didn’t use toilet paper. He told her that he’d, quote, “have to start buying TP again now that a female was in the house.”

When I first moved to La Crosse, I lived with a guy who used to work at Z93 and after a few months, we let another friend move in for awhile to help out with bills and this dude was so convinced that we were eating his food, that he actually bought a small safe & put it in the closet in his room to hide all his food!

What about you? What are some of the strangest things your roommates have done?

Brian Simpson

About Brian Simpson

Unapologetic fan of the Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins & Celtics. Lover of powerful, dark beers. Married with NO kids. Ever. Lover of doggos. Not so much cats.

1 Comment

  1. Avatar Adam J on September 4, 2020 at 7:17 am

    Had a roommate get his nipple pierced in a camper during a music festival. When it became infected, he took one of my shot glasses to soak it. He told us, and couldn’t understand why we were mad about it. We made him wash it out, but kept the shot glass. Whenever he committed a party foul, or did something we deemed inappropriate, we made him take a shot from the nipple glass.

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