Being a man is great. But sometimes, you lose your way or just don't know what to do in certain situations. Now the Morning Sickness will keep you on the straight and narrow with our "Guy"Lines for everyday life.
'Guy'Line 1. No apron.(unless you have to because your kid bought it for you)
'Guy'Line 2. Beer. Use it with the food or put it in the cook.
'Guy'Line 3. There is no such thing as a recipe. A splash of this, a handful of that...And NEVER, EVER use measuring cups. EVER!
'Guy'Line 4. Never grill tofu or fruits. Stick with meat and vegetables.
'Guy'Line 5. No baking. Using the oven for frozen pizza or roasting meats is perfectly acceptable. But cakes? Pies? Leave that to grandma.
'Guy'Line 6. "Special" brownies are not considered baking. They are instead, a science project.
'Guy'Line 7. Bacon makes everything better. So, add some bacon.
'Guy'Line 8. Make a huge mess and let everyone else clean it up.(courtesy of Shaw!)
'Guy'Line 9. No garnishes. That includes parsley, kale, and sprouts.
'Guy'Line 10. Never let another man touch your meat!
'Guy'Line 11. Never clean your grill. All that flavor is valuable!(courtesy of Puck)
RULES FOR COOKING
"THE RULES"
'Guy'Line 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
'Guy'Line 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
'Guy'Line 1. Sunday = sports.. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
'Guy'Line 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
'Guy'Line 1. Crying is blackmail.
'Guy'Line 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
'Guy'Line 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
'Guy'Line 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
'Guy'Line 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
'Guy'Line 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
'Guy'Line 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
'Guy'Line 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
'Guy'Line 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
'Guy'Line 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
'Guy'Line 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
'Guy'Line 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
'Guy'Line 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Microsoft Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
'Guy'Line 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
'Guy'Line 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
'Guy'Line 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
'Guy'Line 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
'Guy'Line 1. You have enough clothes.
'Guy'Line 1. You have too many shoes.
'Guy'Line 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
'Guy'Line 1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight!
