Being a man is great. But sometimes, you lose your way or just don't know what to do in certain situations. Now the Morning Sickness will keep you on the straight and narrow with our "Guy"Lines for everyday life.
'Guy'Line 1. Drink and be merry, but not to excess. (being wasted at the company holiday party can lead to a number of bad decisions)
'Guy'Line 2. Don't bring up work issues. You're obviously going to talk about work, but nothing will get solved at the Holiday Party.
'Guy'Line 3. Don't even THINK about asking for a raise, cause you ain't getting one.
'Guy'Line 4. Bring a date. Whether it's your spouse/bf/gf/fiance, whatever. Don't be bringing your kids/crazy uncle/neighbor/drinking buddy.
'Guy'Line 5. Stay away from foul language and off-color jokes. Just because you aren't in the office, it doesn't make that kind of stuff 'okay'.
'Guy'Line 6. Wearing mistletoe around your waste (front or back) is a no-no. Nobody thinks it's funny!
'Guy'Line 7. No matching outfits. If you and the wife are wearing the same exact thing, there's going to be a fight. And nothing "light-up"(sweaters/ties/etc.)
'Guy'Line 8. Make sure to plan ahead for a hotel/cab/designated driver.
'Guy'Line 9. Not a good idea to hit on your coworkers.
RULES FOR HOLIDAY PARTIES
RULES FOR TAILGATING
'Guy'Line 1. Make sure you have enough food and beer. You don't want to be the guy who runs out of everything.
'Guy'Line 2. Make sure you share. If your neighbor runs outta ketchup or kraut, let the poor guy borrow some. He'll hook you up in the future.
'Guy'Line 3. Clean up after your self. Nothing worse than a bunch of idiots who can't find the damn trash can.
'Guy'Line 4. Bring something to do. Whether it's a football or frisbee to toss around or some cards or a TV with some "sports bloopers" videos. Drinking and eating are much better when there's a fun activity going on.
'Guy'Line 5. Make sure you fly the flag for your team. Show your colors(ie. - wear the jerseys, hats, wave a banner, etc.)
'Guy'Line 6. Get there early! How can you drink and party all day if you don't start first thing in the morning? Plus, the earlier you get there, the better your parking spot should be.
'Guy'Line 7. You should try to park near a porta-potty. Nothing worse than doing the "duck-walk" for a half mile.
'Guy'Line 8. Be considerate of visiting fans. It's okay to jeer and jab a bit, but don't be an a-hole to the visitors!
'Guy'Line 1. If more than one person shoots at the same deer, then the "newer" guy claims it.
'Guy'Line 2. No women at deer camp (unless they can hunt!!!)
'Guy'Line 3. New guys have to eat the heart of their first kill.
'Guy'Line 4. You gotta trade off...sometimes you post, sometimes you drive...unless you're the "Old Buck" at camp. Then you do whatever the hell you want.
'Guy'Line 5. If you hunt in a group, you've gotta share your take with everyone...Seriously...who needs 200lbs of venison? Share the wealth, bro.
'Guy'Line 6. The new guy should be draggin' all of the kills out of the woods. It's a rite of passage!
'Guy'Line 7. You've gotta pull some pranks on your hunting buddies. Try stuff like - Ben Gay in their hunting boots or fireworks in the outhouse while they're sitting on the throne.
'Guy'Line 8. According to one guy, you cut the "wedding tackle" off your first kill and toss it over your shoulder. If it gets hung up in a tree, then that's where you'll have the best luck the following year.
RULES FOR HUNTING
RULES FOR ROOMMATES
'Guy'Line 1. Pay your damn rent and bills. If you're constantly late and/or missing your money, then you're going to get das boot.
'Guy'Line 2. NEVER play "hide the bologna" on your roommates bed. That's just asking for an ass-kicking.
'Guy'Line 3. No "sexy-time" in the common areas of the apartment/house. ie - bathroom/living room/kitchen.
'Guy'Line 4. Come up with a predetermined code for having a chick in the apartment. That way nobody gets walked in on.
'Guy'Line 5. No stealing your roommates food or beer. Milk, bread and butter should be considered "community" stuff and are for everyone.
'Guy'Line 6. If you take the last of something or finish something off, then replace/restock it.
'Guy'Line 7. No drinking out of the carton. That's like kissing your roommate.
'Guy'Line 8.NEVER use another dude's towel. EVER. You don't know what he uses it for!
'Guy'Line 9. No sharing toiletries. Nobody likes your pubic hair.
'Guy'Line 10. Be considerate of your roommates sleeping habits. They may not get up at 4am everyday.
'Guy'Line 11. Flush the damn toilet you nasty bastard.
'Guy'Line 12. Being naked in your room with the door closed is one thing...but walking around in the buff isn't a good idea.
'Guy'Line 13. Give your roommates their messages.
'Guy'Line 14. Keep your filth to a "reasonable" minimum. Messes happen. But don't let them get outta hand.
