I grew up in Westby, I couldn't make it as a ski jumper because I like food too much.

One time I went canoeing and got the nickname "The Human Glowstick".

One time I scored 4 touchdowns in 1 game for Polk High..........I think.

Ever see a fat guy do a cartwheel?

I have a bunch of kids, if you see a kid and it isn't yours, it's probably mine.

If you have seen a great movie, chances are I haven't seen it yet.

If I like a sports team, chances are they will never win the big one ever again.

I am kind of a political nut-job, actually I am just a nut-job in general.

I have never walked on the moon.

If we haven't partied together yet, we probably should 

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